listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
