So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
