whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize