I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
