Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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