If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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