My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
