I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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