you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
