Where are you?
In a non slutty way
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
