I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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