worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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