i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
