I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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