where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Where did you get a picture of my penis
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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