Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize