I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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