Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
