You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
