Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
