I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
