I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
