my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
