I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
