meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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