I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
