I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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