my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
