That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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