I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
