Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
