u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch