I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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