I feel like abortions should bother me more
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
