I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
