so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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