6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
