Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
