I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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