proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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