I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
