Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
