U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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