she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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