she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
