I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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