Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
