it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
