I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
