In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
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Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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