It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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