I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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