ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize