What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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