I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
