I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
