for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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