the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My butt remains clenched, sir.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
