actually, I'm a sock model
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
