Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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