I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
