After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
