I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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