I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
