I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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