my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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