Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
