No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
