If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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