if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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