The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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