My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
