was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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