I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
